During that odd time between Christmas and the New Year, I do a lot of thinking. I look forward to it, reflecting on everything that’s happened and planning for what’s next. Not resolutions or half-hearted commitments I don’t intend to keep, but getting excited about the things ahead of me. 

The week is quiet and slow. The hours slip by and for a few precious days, nothing has to be done. I get to write more, read more, think more, and just enjoy the space I’m in. It’s something that feels special – and temporary. The pause before jumping into the guaranteed chaos of another year. And I love the chaos – it’s just not the quiet. It’s exciting, but there’s less space.

This year, I decided to bring more calm into my life and find more balance. To start doing more of what I want, even if it seems silly or unnecessary. I decided this year to start a garden, raise chickens, learn how to make food from scratch, and be more intentional with my time so that I can truly and genuinely enjoy it. 

The minute I made those decisions, the usual doubts came with them. What if I fail? What if it doesn’t work? What if it’s not what I’m expecting? And I realized some things. I will fail. Some things won’t work out. And it won’t be what I expect, I’ve never done these things before. But surprisingly, these inevitabilities felt like a comfort. 

It would be safe to try if I gave myself permission to fail and try again. It wouldn’t be a waste of my time if something didn’t work out and I learned from it. And I would rather know what something is like than dream about it for the rest of my life. That’s what it means to live a life in the dirt. 

To take every experience as it is and feel it as intensely as possible. To dig deep when it’s necessary and enjoy a good rest when it’s over. To explore the possibilities in front of me and weed out what doesn’t help them grow. To cultivate a beautiful life, day by day and year by year, filled with as much joy as I can fit into it.